he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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