i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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