I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you had me at cake vodka
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
