: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
