i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
