apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
