My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize