I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
