there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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