considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
