What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
