So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
