i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
