Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
