the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
