Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
