Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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