And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
