Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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