there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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