She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
