Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
