Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize