We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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