he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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