woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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