Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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