Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
