seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
