Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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