Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
