I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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