We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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