you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
