tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
