i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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