So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
