You're earring is so big in my mouth
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
