if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
