Your mouth is God's brothel.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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