his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
