Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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