i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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