Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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