I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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