I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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