I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
