Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
