I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
