Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All the doctor said was why
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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