Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
