between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm too high and old for this...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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