hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
