my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your penis caused this!
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