i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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