i don't like sucking hair
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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