I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
