also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
