I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I smell stomach acid.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
