Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize