My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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