if i can run in heels then i can drive
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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