I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So. Much. Porn.
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