i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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