how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
