So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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